December 2, 2009

You might be pregnant if...

*If kissing your husband after he eats a clementine feels like you're being waterboarded with orange juice.. you might be pregnant.
*If you catch yourself saying this is THE MOST AMAZING (FRENCH FRY/DOUGHNUT/BOWL OF RAMEN) YOU'VE EVER EATEN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.. you might be pregnant.
*If you've stopped complaining about the dog's/your husband's gas so much because you're not sure if it was you or him.. you might be pregnant.
*If everything you come across seems to smell like urine, socks, maple syrup or grandma's basement.. you might be pregnant.
*If you wake up in the middle of the night inconsolable because you had a dream about wizard nuns stealing you away from your family and it felt SO REAL.. you might be pregnant.
*If you can't sing along to a Taylor Swift song on the radio without sobbing through the refrain.. you might be pregnant.
*If you listen to Taylor Swift songs on the radio.. you might be pregnant.
*If you're secretly bummed it's not swimsuit season so you can show off your new rack.. you might be pregnant.
*If people keep touching your belly, and you cringe at the fact that they're delicately bonding with your extra fat layers and the baby is actually 6 inches lower.. you might be pregnant (but then I guess you already knew that).
*If you prepare exactly what you were craving, eat it, and then want to puke because the smell won't go away.. you might be pregnant.
*If you just got comfortable in the perfect position on the couch/bed/movie theater seat and you suddenly feel like you're about to wet yourself, even after you JUST went.. you might be pregnant.
*If you start eyeing your husband's closet.. you might be pregnant.
*If you tuck your shirt under your bra and unbutton your pants around the house so your belly can "breathe".. you might be pregnant.
*If you sit down ready for an evening of laundry folding and DVR, but then fall asleep thinking about it because even that was too exhausting.. you might be pregnant.
*If your favorite color Runt candy (purple) falls between the seat and you get really, extremely upset that you can't reach it.. you might be pregnant.
*If you've had a jar of peanut butter and a spoon at the ready on your nightstand for more than 3 days in a row.. you might be pregnant.
*If your husband wakes you up from a nap to hand you a DQ chicken strip basket and he doesn't say ANYTHING about you eating the entire thing while laying down in bed with your eyes closed (slightly elevated to avoid heartburn).. you might be pregnant.
*If sleep-eating on your back in bed seems perfectly normal to you.. you might be pregnant.
*If said chicken strip basket was neither a lunch nor dinner, but simply a "mid-meal snack".. you might be pregnant.

And finally, if you make up a list of scenarios of what it's like to be pregnant and every one applies to you... well, you know.

17 comments:

Laura said...

That was hilarious! Congratulations!

lisset said...

oh the joys of pregnancy. isn't it fun? :)

Lizzy said...

Oh, I love it. Congratulations!! When is this little chicken lover due?

Ryann said...

congratulations!!!!

Rob and Jewls said...

I am laughing so hard because almost every one applied to me a few months ago too! Uh...where is the DQ? Congrats again Melissa!

Annie said...

wow you just gave me a whole bunch of reasons why we are not having any more kids to add to the 10-15 i already had!

JoJo said...

That was hilarious and so true. congrats! :)

darkchocolatedaily said...

Wahooooo! Congratulations! Way exciting. Much love to you guys.

{lizzythebotanist} said...

thanks for reminding me of why i don't want to be pregnant right now! and for the laugh, of course. congrats-how far along are you/when are you due?

annie said...

awesome. you are hilarious! (and i think you might be pregnant)

Alifinale said...

I love it. Congrats.

Alice said...

what wonderful news!! Congratulations <3

Tami said...

Oh how sad that is so accurate...why are we so crazy while pregnant? I love it! :-)

Anie said...

I love it. At least you have a sense of humor about it all - my basic memories from my 2nd all fall under the category of "nightmare". ;-)

jill said...

Touche!

Fowler family said...

Woohoo! Congratulations! This made me chuckle as I can relate to many of them. I haven't smelled my grandma's basement yet, but everything smells like mothballs (although sometimes urine and maple syrup do apply). When are you due?

Adoption Of Jane Ug-LBC said...

LOL! Nice blog... Congratulations!